Posted by: Leah | July 31, 2011

On Singlehood

My fellow blogger, Sarah, has written a great post on singlehood lately:

http://amuslimahwrites.wordpress.com/2011/07/09/on-singlehood/

She raises very important points on singlehood as not a transitional period of life – from – to, but being something where we can grow and become better people.

Ok, so my take on singlehood: since my divorce I have been in and out relationships, and I should be honest here that my focus was to learn to be single and enjoy it. Huh, you would say. Why would anyone want to do that?

I will explain: I have learned a hard way that you can’t make being a couple a hobby and a major entertainment of your life. You have to be complete to be in a relationship. If you aren’t, it is either will sink your reationship or you will meet a wrong person, who will be needy, emotionally unstable and will drown you in the turmoil of emotions. Enjoying singlehood is hard to do sometimes as there are always certain people in your life that see you as a second class citizen because you don’t bring the significant other to a party. There is also society pressure to mate and be a couple. Moreoever, there is pressure of religious community to be a family, have children, to be fruitful and multiply. To that, I have good news for all Jewish ladies out there – the pressure to marry is on guys. We, ladies, can chill out. Guys are commanded to be fruitful and multiply and considered to be not complete without a wife. We, women, are complete the way we are. Isn’t that really wonderful?

But, seriously, singlehood has its important lessons one needs to learn:

1. Being single gives you a chance to figure out who you are and what you like. Have you ever seen a person, who completeley changes interests depending on who s/he dates?

2. Being single gives you a chance to understand what kind of person you want to meet. To do that, you don’t need to rush and go on all possible dates or try to make something unworkable work.

3. Being single gives you a chance to achieve you educational and career goals.

And most importantly, being single is a perfect opportunity to meet great friends and build strong relationships with them. I know it sounds kind’a cheesey, but really being in a couple is often hard work (in a good way) and less free time on hands. When you are single, you can go and meet all these wonderful people out there, and who knows, huh?

I do believe that something that is supposed meant by G-d to happen will happen regardless and on its own time. So, I refuse to get frustrated whenever I am single. In fact, I like it. Singlehood is not something black, depressing or unneccesary. It is a part of our lives and I choose to love it.

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