Posted by: Leah | August 1, 2011

Community Musings

As we enter the saddest month in the Jewish history, the month of Av with a reflective Elul being just around the corner and our Muslim brothers and sisters starting Ramadan, I can’t help but reflect on my spritual year and what a wonderful failure it has been!

Now, you might ask me why a wonderful failure and not a terrible disappointment? I will explain:

I started my spiritual crisis over 2 years ago, and at that time it seemed very temporary – like any journey – a spiritual journey has its up and downs, but my way started to have a majority of downs, and downs and downs. It continued, and now I am happy to report and it is unlikely to get any worse! It can only go up from this point. Over these years, I have learned not to get frustrated and disappointed because the community I am in does not perform to my expectations. I have learned to take things as they are and work with what I have as opposed trying to do impossible or look for better places. Grass is always greener somewhere else, but when you get there, there is no grass at all! That is why my spiritual failure has been wonderful this year – yes, I did not study at all, rarerly attended services and did not achieve ANY of my spiritual goals. On the other hand, I learned to be patient and more accepting, and now I feel I am ready to start and pull myself back, slowly but this will finally be a way forward. Most importantly, I have been prudent in keeping Kosher. It has  tured out I am good at that! 🙂 Perhaps, I just felt that that would be the very last thing to give up and then nothing after that!

It is a vey important lesson – realizing that even if things are not perfect where you are, you still like it there. Or probably this is a sign of maturity and the end of abrupt decisions that happen when you are younger. On the other hand, I do realize thare is a danger of getting comfortable where I am without being very happy there. Yet happiness is more work that the state of being.

But no matter what happens next, tis all good. I think long spiritual crisises serve you well in terms of making you realize things you miss.


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