Posted by: Leah | November 11, 2012

On Being Emotionally Independent

I have been privileged to hear a great Toastmasters speech this week, the one that was a bit close to home than I would want to, but nevertheless remarkable.

It had to do with advice on growing up, and one of them was being emotionally independent, that the only person that will always be with you is YOU, and the less your emotions depend on other people the better for you and for your well-being and a happy life.

I can say a thing or two (or maybe even more) on the topic. I used to be a girl, who would become either too attached to people, and thus all my being depended on their mood. I would also reflect if anything had not gone the way I expected: well, all these people have a great boyfriend, families, universities, friends etc What about me? Why is it so unfair?

I have heard numerous advice that being emotionally unattached is either for psyhopaths, yogi or people who simply do not care. I am neither of these three categories. Not a yogi. Just practice a fitness component of it. Yet, I do believe being emotionally independent is a very attainable goal.

This is what helps me:

– realizing I have to me, and only me, and doing what makes ME happy, not what others think would make me happy and being myself

– welcoming new people into my life and being grateful for their presence but learning not to be afraid to let them go (this might be a tad painful)

– realizing that in most cases I am my best friend as I know what I like the best, thus being not afraid and practicing being on my own, without having to always be surrounded by people

But most importantly, learning to depend on myself. Being independent and self-sufficient is very addictive, I should say, that is why there are many cultures that deny this to girls. Once you tried that, there is rarely going back.

I am doing so much better. I have stopped reflecting on what other people have. There is no point in it. I need to learn to deal and react to what I have. What others have is their lives, not mine.

I also learned not to become tragically attached to people. If I have attachments, they are mostly happy ones.

As Coco Chanel said: “The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”

Happy November Sunday to you all.



  1. I agree people think that emotional independence is selfish but unless you have that you can never be happy and if your not happy you only attract the wrong people into your life.

  2. Hi,

    I really like what you have said here. I used to be a very independent woman. I focused on my career and myself. At the same time, I did not allow any man into my life. Simply because I did not want to deal with relationships. It is something I m not good at. When I get into relationship, I can become very emotional dependent in the other one.
    I hate that about myself.

    When recently a good man left my life, I have truly realized that I am still not emotional independent. I still rely happiness on others. Especially a man I love deeply. When he wa gone, it was like a big part of me got torn away. It was devastating.

    I came in the conclusion that without emotional independece, I will always rely on something. Friends, family, love or even materials to complete me. And the happiness won’t last.

    Love can be hard. But if one day it’s out of my life, I will be okay to see it go. I have to be.

    Think u for ur blog.

    • thank you very much for your comment. You are so right, if we always rely on something or somebody to find happiness, we will never achieve true happiness that is within us, but that is the hardest thing ever.

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