Posted by: Leah | April 21, 2013

On Caring: Walk of Shame

Aye, let’s face it – we all have stories we are not willing to share with others because we did not have our shit together, made a mistake or did not care and now are deeply ashamed of that.

I do have my Top 3, that I may share with somebody who is about to make the same mistake but otherwise nah, not mentioning about that. Shame has a deep profound role though. It is meant to make us feel the lesson with all our hearts and resolve to change things.

So I did. At some point of time I have resolved to never give a wrong impression that I care about somebody more than I do. Translation: if I don’t feel connection. don’t think we match and going to be friends, or do not care about the cause, I will not suggest anything enthusiastically. I will not plant false hopes in your heart. Don’t worry – I will not say no or act like a crazy bitch. I will keep my cool and act friendly, but will never pretend I am your best friend. If I know something, it is that realization that somebody has suggested something just to be polite or nice hurts like hell.

Speaking about the shame. I felt a deep shame yesterday night, when on my way home I saw a homeless guy digging into the garbage and finishing off food from all takeout containers there. People were passing by, not even looking at him, and I could not help but wonder when exactly we learn to block off these situations and pretend nothing is happening. This could have been me, I thought, and then I thought some more and the words of a girl I know, and who used to work for a homeless outreach program rang in my head: Never ever give them money. They will spend it ALL on drugs.

I did give him money. Not, not enough to spend on drugs but enough to get a meal in McDonald’s. And you know what? I realized that even if he spent it on drugs, I do not care. At the end of the day, I did not add to my Shame List, and he may have gotten some none garbage decent food. Win-win if you ask me.

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